it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
