I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize