she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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