I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
