Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
