What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
