I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize