phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't deserve a penis
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
