I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize