my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize