So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
