DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
