he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
