I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
