So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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