My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
