Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
