I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
