He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
