He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
