guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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