Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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