Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize