my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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