so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
