In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
