Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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