making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He did a backflip because drugs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
