I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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