Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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