sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize