My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
