So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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