Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
