he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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