I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
