then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
