you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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