i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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