I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
