About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Found the puke drawer
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
