I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
