I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
