I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they're like a gay fantastic four
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
