I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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