one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
