one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize