now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
