how can u be prego again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
