Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
