Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
