Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
