so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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