super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
