Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
