oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
