For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
