I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
