i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
