Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize