Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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