I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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