i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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