you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
