im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
